How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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