Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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