how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
