So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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