The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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