Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
