And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
