A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize