and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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