Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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