the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
