Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
