Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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