well I can't set my house on fire every night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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