im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Yup. One sock.