I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
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just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
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He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...