She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.