Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.

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  (704): So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material. http://tfl.nu/5qwl
  Replies (13) Good night (2130) Bad night (583)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.

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  (416): The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look. http://tfl.nu/2p75
  Replies (13) Good night (660) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.

  (406): View more from Montana

  And we all know God doesn't like sinners.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Amen.

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  (701): The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out. (406): And we all know God doesn't like sinners. (701): Amen. http://tfl.nu/nq0i
  Replies (14) Good night (6453) Bad night (634)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.

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  (214): Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better. http://tfl.nu/wgom
  Replies (20) Good night (4200) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

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  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7911) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"

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  (281): well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido" http://tfl.nu/7omt
  Replies (27) Good night (1524) Bad night (4511) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".

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  (508): He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely". http://tfl.nu/dfux
  Replies (19) Good night (4145) Bad night (1224) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there

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  (701): He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there http://tfl.nu/wgp9
  Replies (2) Good night (940) Bad night (1804) Order T-Shirt
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  (347): View more from New York

  your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.

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  (347): your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward. http://tfl.nu/axq6
  Replies (11) Good night (865) Bad night (3306) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday

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  (217): Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday http://tfl.nu/gng4
  Replies (5) Good night (1850) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.

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  (307): I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it. http://tfl.nu/zamd
  Replies (2) Good night (1362) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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  (613): You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw. http://tfl.nu/41w7
  Replies (10) Good night (1410) Bad night (880)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.

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  (717): She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl. http://tfl.nu/9cei
  Replies (2) Good night (1262) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.

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  (817): I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore. http://tfl.nu/onr6
  Replies (6) Good night (1228) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?

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  (940): Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork? http://tfl.nu/nrj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1009) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt

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