doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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