I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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