Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
