Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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