u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
