I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
