ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
