im holly from the hills drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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