twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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