PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
