I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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