he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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