I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
