at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
