I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
