im six kinds of drunk right now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
