doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
