I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
