We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
