hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
