Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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