i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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