So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
