He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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