2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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