why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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