Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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