one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
