Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
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i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Found your dick twin last night
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yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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