U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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