My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I touched a dick in church today
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
