'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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