Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
