1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
