drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
