She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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