I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
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My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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