Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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