Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
