its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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