drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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