My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
