Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
