you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
