Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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