Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
