I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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