You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
