Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Even my vagina gasped.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
