Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am one with the molecules
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
