I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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