I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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