My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
