part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
