She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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