I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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