he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
