So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
