Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
