my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
