doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
