Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
