he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
