He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
