I cockslap morals
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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