no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
