Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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