Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
