there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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