please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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