Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
