I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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